Glittering Empress Study
by Midnight Crew
Summary: Never heard of The Glittering Empress? Well, a twoleg and cat are here to give you the story and the review. Someone please tell this cat what a phone is.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey guys!" Spades greeted as she sat in her chair, "With permission from the awesome Empress Tansy, we are doing a commentary on _The Glittering Empress. __Fun right? Another Warrior story, don't you love the Warrior reviews?" Spades asked and the crowd responded with cheers._

_After a minute, she calmed them down with waves of her hand, "All right, all right. Now, instead of doing this solo style like I usually do with the Warrior Reviews, I have a special guest with me. No M.C before you ask or assume," she said and grinned, "It's a special guest from our Warrior stories to be honest."_

_She gestured to the side of the stage for the guest to come out on but no one came. Frowning she turned to where Khaxan stood at the other end, "Where is our guest?"_

_The demon shrugged in response, "Don't know. You picked a stubborn furball though. I'll get em."_

_Khaxan walked off stage and a few minutes later, a red tomcat walked onto the stage grumbling, "Why am I even here? I need to be with my clans, helping them back on their feet! I don't even __like __twolegs! Yet I'm stuck working with one? Why? Just why?"_

_Spades smiled as he took a seat next to her in M.C's usual seat "Don't worry, you left the three clans in good hands; SunClan. I think they'll be okay if you're gone for a few hours," she assured him._

_Cometblaze sighed in defeat, knowing she was right._

_"Anyways, lets get this started, no?" Spades asked._

**_(A/N: Hey, y'all, this is my attempt at writing a trollfic. I don't know how funny/horrible it's going to be, so bare with me._**

**Relax, your story is awesome. **

**_I don't even know what a Trollstory is._**

**_ If you have ideas for how I could improve the terribleness of the story, let me know._**

**_What? Why would anyone want it to be awful?_**

**It being awful is the point of a troll story**

**_ I want to make this as bad as possible_**

**_That makes no sense!_**

**_ (though with mostly correct grammar). )_**

The Glittering Empress

**_What's an Empress?_**

**I'll give you a lesson on Twoleg terms when this chapter is over.**

Allegiances

PerfectClan

**_New Clans? But the name is awful._**

Leader: Moralstar- black tom

Deputy: Goodheart- ginger she-ca

Medicine Cat: Doctorwho- dark brown tom

**_What? What in StarClans name is with these names?_**

**Get used to it, they get worse.**

Warriors:

Firestorm- boring tortoiseshell he-cat

Wildflame- boring ginger tom

**_Okay, that's rude! Calling them boring and we don't even know them! _**

**That's rich coming from you, you're known for being rude and grouchy.**

**_I have an awful temper, that's where my rudeness comes from. What's the excuse for this rudeness?_**

Hopevegetable- gray she-cat

**_Vegetable?_**

Sunmuffin- ginger she-cat

**_Muffin?_**

Blueberry- dark blue-gray she-cat

Ashphone- dark gray tom

**_What's in StarClan is a phone?!_**

**So giving him a lesson when this chapter is done.**

Vitaminheart- white tom

Tacobreath- cream-collored mot

**_These names are ridiculous! And I thought that Rockyroad and Cheesetail had awful names!_**

**Taco breath is bad. Remember kids, brush your teeth after eating tacos.**

Apprentices:

Sandpaw- boring ginger she-cat

Dictionarypaw- brown and white tom

**I wonder if Dictionarypaw is really smart.**

Netflixpaw- read she-cat

**_Read she-cat? What?_**

**How do we read a she-cat? **

Nerdpaw- boring blueish tom

**Haha, nerd.**

**_I'm so confused, only Sandpaw made sense._**

Queens:

Cinderclaw- boring silver she-cat (mother of Basketballkit- orange tom and Elephantkit- gray tom)

**Elephantkit?**

**_Basketballkit?_**

Sparkledawn- ginger se- kat (mother of Jaykit- gray tom

**_Finally another cat with a normal name! Jaykit!_**

and Tattletalekit- brown she-cat)

**Nice while it lasted, huh? **

Majesticexcellency-

**_Just, no comment._**

**Same, that name is a mouthful.**

beautiful golden tabby with crown-shaped markings on her hed and brillian greed eyes

**_Greedy eyes? Okay._**

**Crown shaped markings on her head? What color? WHAT COLOR?**

(mother of Empresskit- gorgeous pale pink fur with golden star-shaped spots and rainbow eyes

**Okay, so we know who the main character is now.**

**_Pink fur…rainbow eyes...golden star….RAINBOW EYES! Oh StarClan, the horror!_**

and Dumbkit- dumb boring brown to)

**Well, looks like you and Dumbkit have something in common; you're both horribly underappreciated because of your sister.**

MeanClan

**_That name is interesting._**

Leader: Hopestar- ugly black mot

**_Don't worry, Hopestar, it's the heart that counts. Not the pelt and face._**

**Yeah, look at Brightheart, she has that scar but I think she is one of the most beautiful cats in the books.**

Deputy: Weirdlookingface- brown she-ca with a werd-luking face

**Rude!**

**_Extremely Rude!_**

Medicine cat: Herbmouth- green she-ca

Warriors:

Meaniehead- mean ugly tom

**_Can I stop commenting on these names? Their all messed up._**

**Nope.**

Bossyleaf- bossy ginger she-cat

Snowwhite- white she-cat

**Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?**

Grayfoot- boring tom with gray paws

Lilybeauty- purple tom

**_I would have thought that as a She-Cats name. But okay, a tom can have that name too._**

Tigertail- black and white tom

Princessheart- brown and white tom

Disneychannelisawesomeheart- purple she-cat

**_Um. What?_**

**Disney Channel Is Awesome Heart. That is by far the weirdest name so far.**

Apprentices:

Evilpaw- possibly evil red tom

**_Just because we're red toms, we are _****not_ evil!_**

Nicepaw- possibly nice white she-cat

**You don't have to live up to your names you know. You can be evil and Evilpaw can become nice.**

Queens:

Roseugly- yellow and black she-cat (mother of rodentki- black tom and ididn'twantkitskit- rejected she-kit)

**_That is just heartless!_**

**I agree!**

Tansyheart- boring slender ginger she-cat with green eyes

**_Tansyheart isn't that bad of a name. _**

(mother of Starkit and Mallowkit- long-furred black she-cats with white chests and amber eyes)

**I always wondered, is Ashfur the dad?**

**_Who?_**

Prologue

A starry cat looked into a pol. Anudder starry cat asked "Wut is it?"

**_A awful prophecy involving an awful cat._**

"A prophecy!" the first starry cat sed.

**You called it.**

"Out of the dumb stuff, a glittering empress will come and get rid of the dumb and mean stuff!"

**This prophecy is pretty obvious. **

"It's about Empresskit!" the second starry cat exclaimed.

**_Ya think?_**

**It's like the Lunar prophecy. Hopefully she doesn't take as long to figure it out.**

The first starry cat nodded. "Empresskit will be the savor of the Clans, Firestar.

**_Who?_**

**A very moral cat from the original 4 Clans.**

We will need to guide her and make sure everyone knows that she is perfect!"

**_Ugh, I already have a headache coming on. _**

**I know.**

"She will be the best leader the Clans have ever seen someday!"

**No she won't. Brokenstar will always be a better leader than she. So will every leader but Tigerstar.**

Firestar meowed. "Thank you for seeing dis profecy, Bluestar."

**Bluestar is here?**

**_Another Clan leader? Which clan are they?_**

Bullstar nodded. "An Empress alone will save PerfectClan."

**Sounds like another prophecy.**

"I'll teel Doctorwho," Firtsar meowed, walking away from the pool.

***Starts playing Dr. Who theme music***

**_I'm so confused._**

**_(A/N: Was dat gu? Man, it's heard typing like that. Anyway, flame away if you want to!)_**

**_It was confusing. What's a phone? Tell me!_**

**It was an awesome troll story.**


	2. Chapter 2

"And it's like, I don't _want _to exile them, but those two needed to grow up, and they wouldn't do that in a clan they seem to hate," Cometblaze said as he sat on a counter, a mug of milk in front of him, "I felt so _awful _when those two left, like what kind of uncle am I to exile my only remaining kin, apart from Grimheart?"

Spades smiled and patted him on the head, "It's okay, you gave them a choice, Cometblaze. They could choose to stay or they could leave. They chose to leave, there is nothing you could do about that," she explained.

The red tom nodded and sighed, "I just hope they were trained well enough. I don't know how well they listened to their mentors, do they know how to hunt? Are they good enough at fighting to defend themselves?" He was getting worked up and starting to panic, "Oh, StarClan! What if one gets sick, how will they know how to fix any injuries?"

The girl just shook her head and began to shoosh pap the cat, "It's all right, shhh, deep breaths, Cometblaze."

Finally he seemed to calm down and went down to drink his milk.

"You guys need to get your asses on stage now!" Khaxan yelled walking up behind the cat.

Cometblaze jumped up with an alarmed cry and was next clinging to Spades' face, claws out as he panted, his fur bristled.

"Thanks, Khaxan. You scared out guest," Spades said, shoosh papping the cat to calm him down.

When he was off of her face, she put him down and they walked onto the stage to start the review.

* * *

_(A/N: Okay, here we go. Chapter 1. Take a deep breath, everyone.)_

**_*Inhales deeply*_**

Chapter 1: The Ceremony

**Kits are going to turn to apprentices.**

"Empresskit, wake up!" Empresskit woke up. She was tired. She was sleepy.

_**Isn't that the same thing?**_

"Empresskit, wake up!" Majesticexcellency sed again. "You have to awake now. Today is important!"

**Today we sacrifice you to the Fire God so we will be protected from the forest fires.**

Suudenly, Empresskit was very wake. She remememberd what today was! Today she would become an apprentice today!

_**I remember my ceremony. Barely anyone cared because Lunarmoon was an apprentice. **_

"My beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful, perfect kit, I don't know why you have to become an apprentice," her mom continued.

_**Because you need to learn to hunt and fight.**_

**Because she's six moons old and Moralstar is _not _Brokenstar and as such is not allowed to turn kits into warriors.**

"You're too perfect already. Moralstar shuld just make you a warrior."

**Moralstar is not Brokenstar, I already said that.**

_**She's **_**six _moons! Are you insane?_**

"Thank u, mama." Empresskit mewed.

Dumbkit sat up. "What about me?"

_**You'll be an apprentice too.**_

Majesticexcellency looked away from her son. "You're not beautiful, gorgeous, or wonderful. You're too dumb to be an apprentice."

**Harsh mom.**

"I'm not dumb," the boring borwn tom sad. "I'm very smart."

"You are not as smart as your sister," mom cat sed.

Empresskit nodded. "I am very smart."

**_Nope! Dumbkit is the smartest! He's the best tom out there, he'll be there to surpass and defeat his evil sister and save the clans! It doesn't matter if the clans hate him right now, it doesn't matter if his kin hates him, he'll find a few who love him for who he is, he'll be the hero the clans need. _**

**You okay?**

_**Yes. I just hate it when a sibling is underappreciated because of an 'amazing' sister...like **_**Lunarmoon_...Ugh._**

Dumbkit glared. "At least I'm normal looking. If I had pink fur with stars in it and rainbow eyes, I'd be sick!"

**Point for Dumbkit.**

_**He's brutally honest. I like that.**_

"That's so mean!" empresskti cried. "Don't be a meanie! You have to be nice!"

_**He was being nice. He was telling the truth in telling you about how you look like a freak.**_

Majesticexceellency nodded. "Just for that, OI'm telling Moralstar to delay your ceremony, Dumbkit."

**Can she do that? He's six moons old, I doubt Moralstar would do that because he did something 'mean'.**

_**You don't know anything about these kinds of leaders. He'll delay the ceremony. **_

Empresskit bounced out of the nursery. Her brother had gotten in trouble! Now he would learn his lesson and be a nice cat!

_**I hate Empresskit. So much right now.**_

**She is annoying, I'll agree.**

"Empresspaw, come here its tim for your ceremony!" moralstar mewled from the tree stump.

**I keep reading that as Molarstar. Like the Leader of Dentists. Or Chemistry.**

Empresskit walked over to the stump as the entire clan started cheering for her.

_**Shut them up now! She has done nothing to deserve absolute love and admiration! SHE'S A PINK CAT WITH RAINBOW EYES FOR THE LOVE OF SILVERPELT!**_

Moralstar began the cermony. "Empresskit, you are so beaitful and awesome

**No she's not.**

_**She's hideous.**_

and because of that I will mentor yu."

**How often do Clan Leaders mentor cats themselves?**

"Wow!" Majesticexcellency gasped. "My Daddy's going to mentor my perfect daughter!"

_**He's her grandfather? I'd feel bad for him, but he doesn't deserve pity.**_

Empresspaw beamed with joy. The good and moral leader was her mentor!

**I didn't know Firestar was her mentor. What happened to Moralstar?**

He was not only good and moral, but also hot! She'd had a crush on him forever and now she's get to spend every day wit him!

_**Wait, wait, wait, wait! Moralstar is Majesticexcellency's father! That makes him Empresspaws grandfather! She has a crush on him? That's just sick and wrong!**_

**Like StarkitXFirestar all over again.**

_**Do I want to know?**_

**Nope.**

But den, Doctorwho the medicine cat came up to her. "Empresspaw, there is a porpoise.

**There was a water mammal in the camp.**

It ses 'Out of the dumb stuff, a glittering empress will come and get rid of the dumb and mean stuff'!"

_**Wow, I didn't know propoises could talk.**_

"I don't understood!" Empresspaw cried. "What does it mean?"

_**...this idiot is an idiot. **_

**Redundant much?**

_**My braincells are dying here. Deal with it.**_

_(A/N: Poor Dumbkit. He's not really dumb, is he?)_

**_No! He's an amazing tom who will save PerfectClan! I just know it in my heart that he's the true hero here!_**


	3. Chapter 3

_(A/N: Okay, here we go again. Let's see what happens next._

**_I don't want to know what happens next._**

_ I don't know what's going to happen (because I wrote the AN before the chapter and I have no plot...).)_

**It's okay, I usually write the authors note before the chapter, go back and edit it when the chapter is done~**

Chapter 3

The Battle with MeanClan

**_Hopefully MeanClan wins._**

Empresspaw waltzed to the apprentice's den,

**And visualizing a cat dancing...now!**

where Nerdpaw, Netflixpaw, and Dictionarypaw were sleeping. She looked at the handsomest one. "Hey, Nerdpaw, let's go on a patrol!"

**Can an apprentice decide when to go on a patrol?**

_**No they can not. The deputy makes the patrol, the apprentices are not scheduled for a patrol.**_

"Okay!" Nerdpaw mewd. He got up and kissed her.

_**Ew, ew, ew, ew!**_

**Why are you saying ew, don't you have a sort of mate?**

_**Kissing is still gross!**_

"You're so hot. I know you love me even more than Moralstar."

**Hopefully, Moralstar is her grandpappy**

_**It's wrong on so many levels.**_

"I love both of you," Empresspaw meowed.

_**Oh, StarClan no. Don't follow my sisters pawsteps and have multiple mates! Don't!**_

They went out of the den. Moralstar came up to them. "Wear are you going with my apprentice?" he hissed.

**"I'm stealing yo girl, what do you think?"**

_**I honestly don't like Moralstar.**_

Nerdpaw glared at him. "We're going on patrol. She's going to be my mate."

"No!" Moralstar sed. "She's going to be my mate!"

**Doesn't _she _get a say in who she's going to be the mate of?**

_**Yes, but you know she want's both.**_

"I love her more!"

"No! I do!"

Empresspaw stared at the toms. "It's okay. I'll be both of your mates."

**_*Groans* This is The Place of No Stars isn't it?_**

**Sure~**

Moralstar nodded. "Okay. That seems fair."

"Yes. Sharing is caring," Nerdpaw added.

**And caring means sharing~**

_**Not even going to try.**_

The too cats walked to the entrance to the camp, but then MeanClan! They came into PerfectClan attacking!

_**Go MeanClan! Woo!**_

There was Hopestar and Weirdlookingface and Meaniehead and Bossyleaf and Snowwhite

**And the seven dwarves**

and Princessheart and Disneychannelisawesomeheart and Nicepaw and Evilpaw! MeanClan was being Mean!

_**Invasions **_**are _mean._**

**I think they have reasons to be 'mean'.**

Empresspaw was socked.

**Are you in a sock?**

_**What's a sock?**_

She was shocked and anry! How could MeanClan attak her Clan? PerfectClan was prefect in every way!

_**I counted about a few dozen flaws in PerfectClan and I'm not done counting**_

They were te nice cats. She jumped on Princessheart and stratched him.

**I feel bad for him having such a girly name.**

_**I guess it's girly, it sounds girly, is a 'princess' girly?**_

Blood squirted out and he ran away in fear. _Wow, Imma good fighter! _Empresspaw thought.

**_An apprentice with _**

Then she jumped on Hopestar and scratched his nose! He cried out in pain.

"PerfectClan, you have defeated me!" Hopestar meowed.

**No they haven't, a pathetic halftrained apprentice did. **

"You stupid Clan have beat me- the best leader in MeanClan history!

_**How could they beat him if he's the leader and best leader?**_

How could you do this to me? We'll be back!"

_**You better be back, I will see if I can talk Jupiterstar into having SunClan help you.**_

Then he and the rest of MeanC;an went hom.

**Be safe you guys.**

But then! Empresspaw saw sumthing! It was Dumbkit and Nicepaw! They were kissing!

**Dumbkit and Nicepaw sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G**

_**...Dumbkit is still technically a kit...isn't he too young to have a mate? Isn't Lunarmoon-I mean Empresspaw too young to have a mate?**_

_(A/N: wusnt dat gud? I did a cliffhanger! Dat proves Im a good author! _

**_I'm questioning the sanity of the person who wrote this. Why would people write stories for the purpose of being awful? It still makes no sense!_**

**Its still a great story.**

_So she's going to have two mates at the same time...and they both know about each other. This could be a problem..._

**_You think?_**

_Flame away!)_

**_Flames? what? _**


	4. Chapter 4

**Anyone else having issues where when they press 'Save', it doesn't save? **

* * *

"So when are you going to make a new chapter of my story? I'm sure people want to know what happened to me after chapter 18 of _The Blazing Comet,_" Cometblaze commented as he sat in the chair on stage, a bowl of milk in front of him beside Spades' mug of hot chocolate, "After all, the only way they knew I survived is because of _Ebony Stone; A Tale of Two Kittens._"

Spades grinned, "Don't worry, we'll post a new chapter soon. I'm sure they're all wondering what happened to you between you beating Lunarmoon and the start of the sequel," she agreed and shrugged, "But we've got other things to work on too."

"Like what?"

"Well, we need to make the new chapter to _Blue Seas and Fire Palace_," she offered and smiled, "This is the last chapter of it, and I think it's a good one, what with out protagonist needing to choose between returning home and to his family so long as he takes a life, or not killing and never able to go home again, living in an unfamiliar land in misery."

Cometblaze shook his head, "What is with you and your short friend when it comes to torturing the characters you make?" he asked her, "You had Pippa get stabbed in the throat when she was what...ten? Took away her voice. The twins; Calder and Karliah are both missing an eye because of StarClan knows why. Anton doesn't have that much time left to live, what with his line of work, and then you had Nell get the foxdung beaten out of her by a guy who's on a completely different level than her," he listed, not adding the damage they caused to _his _world; Lunarmoon.

Spades smiled brightly and patted him on the head, "But what's the point if they got and won everything without any hassle at all? It would be a pretty boring story, and a pretty boring life," she explained and grinned, "People like struggle."

"Fine, fine," Cometblaze conceded and finally took notice of the crowd in front of the stage, "Oh, I guess our break is over."

* * *

Chatper For

Dumbkit is Dumb and Nicepaw is Possibly Nice

_**Dumbkit is not dumb. Nicepaw...I don't know if she is or isn't nice.**_

**I bet she isn't.**

Empresspaw stalked up to her brother. "You can't be kissing Nicepaw!"

_**Well, technically he can't, she's from a different clan. So yeah.**_

**True.**

"Why not?" the boring brown tom asked.

_**Different clans.**_

**It's against the Warrior Code.**

"You're too young to have a mate!" the pick protaginost mewed.

**Wrong reason, Empresspaw.**

_**You're argument is invalid. **_

Dumbkit shrugged. "You're my age and you have _two _mates- and one of them is Moralstar- our grandfather!"

_**One point for Dumbkit. that gives him two points to Empresspaw having none.**_

Nicepaw looked surprised. "You have _two _mates? What's wrong with those mots?"

**A lot is wrong with them.**

"Thy'res notthing wrong with them! They can see just how perfect and beautiful I am," empresskit sed.

_**I think I'm going to be sick from her lies.**_

"Moralstar and Nerdpaw love me and are going to share me caus sharing is caring!

_**And caring is sharing? Did I get that right, Spades?**_

**That was perfect.**

Plus, I'm AMAZING AND BRILLIANT AND BEAUTIFUL AND GORGEOUS!"

**Bullshit.**

_**I call foxdung on that.**_

"You aren't beautiful," the Meanclan cat sad. "You are weird looking. Who has pink fur wit golden star-shaped spots and rainbow eyes?"

_**One point to Nicepaw.**_

**If Empresspaw doesn't pick up the pace, she's going to be so far behind she wont have any hope to catch up.**

Empresspaw glared. "I AM BEAUTIFUL1 AND IF U DONT THINK SO YOUR A BIG MEANIE!

_**Or brutally honest.**_

Besides, you have a deputy named Weirdlookingface. He's weird looking1."

_**Now that was mean wasn't it.**_

**Very mean, it isn't nice to call a cat weird looking.**

"NO SHE ISNTt," Nicepaw sed. " You are the meanie. I'm too nice to be friends with you.

**I'm rooting for Nicepaw here. **

_**Same.**_

I'm going back to MeanClan. Dumbkit, if you ever want to get away from your weird sister, come and join my clan."

_**Go, Dumbkit, run and be free, BE FREE!**_

"ok"

Empressglitter snarld. "U can't join MeanClan, Dumbkit! Dat's against the warrior code!"

**Cometblaze? Want the honors?**

_**Yes.**_

_**It's not against the Warrior Code to leave your clan and join another one, especially if you don't fit into that clan! I left NightClan, technically I was exiled because Fallingstar was an idiot and Lunarmoon was in control even back then. But I joined a different clan, from what I've heard the Lake Clans did the same thing. It is not found anywhere in the Warrior Code that you can't leave your clan and join a different once. It just isn't that popular to do so, because you basically ditched your clan and family.**_

Dumbkit sighed. "But I like nicepaw. She's nice. So are her Clanmates.

**Then go.**

_**BE FREE DUMBKIT! BE FREE!**_

They only attacked PerfectClan because they dn't think it's right for a clan leader to be mates with his granddaughter.

**I like MeanClan.**

_**It truly is the opposite of it's clan, it is the true 'moral' clan here.**_

I think Hopestar would let me join MeanClan if I asked him."

_**He better or I'll have words with him.**_

"How'd they find out about me and Moraltsar?"

**It's blatantly obvious?**

"They have spies!" Dumbkit announced.

"GASP111111111"

_**I wonder who the spies are.**_


	5. Chapter 5

heck out our other stories on here. Also check out our stories on Fictionpress; _The Death Host_, _Blue Seas Fire Palace,_ and _Pegasus_

* * *

_(A/N: Who ships DumbxNice? Are you team EmpressxMoral or EmpressxNerd)_

**_I ship DumbXNice, despite the ship name._**

**Same.**

_Flamres r jut nreds nd dont half lifes. Go to the DF flamrs! Starclan deoesnt lick u!)_

**_I hope StarClan doesn't lick them, their twolegs._**

Chapter 3

Empresspaw saves Prefectclan

**Translation: Empresspaw destroys PerfectClan and anything resembling a Clan.**

"Oh my gosh! Wat I must find out who the spys are!" Empresspaw sed. "But first I have to tell Moralstar on u."

_**Because gossiping about your brothers love life is more important than finding Spies? Really?**_

**Just roll with it.**

_**No, I will not roll with it.**_

Dumbkit spat. "Aren't the spies more impotant?"

_**Exactly! Aren't the spies more important?**_

The pink protagonist shook her head. "You cant be mates with a MeanClan cat! It's against the code1"

**She is right, it is against the code to be mates with a cat from a different clan.**

Empresspaw ran to Moralsyar. "Moralstar! Moralstra! Dumbkit is breaking the warrior CODe! You half to banish him!"

_**Just like that?**_

**He doesn't have to, he has to listen to Dumbkits side of the story.**

Moralstar nodded. "Dumbkit, you are EXILED!"

_**Urge to kill rising...**_

"wHAT?" Dumbkit cried. "Don't I get a fair trial first? You didn't even ask what I did wrong!"

_**Exactly! StarClan, Moralstar is a terrible leader!**_

**That he is.**

"Empreekit is always right, so I'm going to do everything she says," the black leeeder sad.

**So is she technically a leader now? Since the actual clan leader obeys her every command?**

The kit glared at his sister. "Ure a tattletail!"

"No, dats me!" Tattletalekit mewed.

**No it's not.**

"Shut up! You have a horrible name!" Dumbkit said to Tattletalekit.

**Mean but true.**

"And this doesn't concern you."

_**Mean but true.**_

Empressglitter turned to Moralstar. "Dumbkit is mates with Nicepaw! He has to leave or StarClan will punish him!"

_**I...I feel sick to think of what StarClan is really like in this.**_

Moralstar noded. "Dumbsmart, get out of my camp. Whatever Empresspaw says goes."

**Urge to kill...rising.**

"Fine," Dumbkit growled. "I'm going to join MeanClan. At least those cats have working brains!"

_**Go! Run! Be free! Free I say free!**_

"THAT'S SO MEAN!" Empresskit cried. "URE A MEANIE HEAD! STARCLAN IS MAD AT YOU NOW111111"

**I like to think that StarClan is sitting back with popcorn, watching in amusement because that Empresspaws insanity is so amusing.**

_**Same...what's popcorn?**_

dUMBKIT didnt care and he walked out of the camp.

Moralstar luked at Empresspaw. "Wow, you're such a good leedaer. You will be a better leader than me."

**I don't think so, then again can anyone be a worse leader than Moralstar?**

"Thank you," Empresskit sad.

"i will make u a warrior now."

_**She's had zero training though.**_

The clan started cheering for Empressglitter because they knew she was ready to be a warrior even though shed only been an apprentice for toooo dayz.""

**RAGE! **

***Demon Mode Active***

_**What the Silverpelt? *Hides under chair* I want my mommy...**_

"Empresspaw, you are so hot and awesome and perfect and you're name is now Empressglitter for your starry spots that sprakle like glitter!" Moralstar said.

_**At least she's named after her sparkles and glitter.**_

"Empresspaw! Empresspaw!" the clan said.

**So she's an apprentice still?**

Empresskit stod infront of her Clan.

_**A kit again?**_

"My name is Empressglitter, and soon I will be your leader."

**Nope!**

_**oh StarClan no!**_

"Yes, oh mighty and all-powerful Empreessglitter," the clan said.

**Sounds like their brainwashed.**

Majesticexcellency came up to her and sad. "Daughter, you are so perfect. i onyl wish I was as perfect as you."

_**You are a terrible mother! *Slaps Majesticexcellency***_

Then Moralstar and Nerdpaw both came up to Empressglitter and kissed her on the lips. "You r my mate forever," Moralsyar sad.

_**Ew ew ew!**_

"You are my mate forever and a day," Nerdpaw said.

**No one cares about her love life.**

Den Doctorwho padded up and sad. "I ahve an announcement. "I am Empressglitter's father!"

_**Why? You're the medicine cat! WHY?!**_

_(A/N: did i right gud? I worked real hard on dis one. I tired to sepll good, but tis hard._

**_How is it hard?_**

**_...well actually I don't know how to spell so...but I'm a cat! I have the excuse!_**

_Yay! Dumbkit is gone for good! Or is he? _

_Flame away!)_

**_Flame? I still don't get it._**

**Flame away everyone.**

C


	6. Chapter 6

_(A/N: Hello, loyal subjects! Are you ready for another chapter of this mess?_ _No? Too bad.)_

**_I'm not ready! I need to make sure I have the next leader ready for the other three clans that way when this story kills me their all good!_**

Capitulo 6

**Capitulo? Is that Spanish? **

The

**The...?**

_**The what? The **_**What?**

"GASP11111" gasped the clan.

"Ur my fadder? Empressglitter yelled at doctorwho.

_**Sadly, maybe that's why you're so messed up.**_

**It would explain a lot, StarClan punished him by having a horrible daughter.**

The meddie kat nodded. "I love Majesticexcellency and we're mates!"

Empresskit was socked. "But that's against the warror code!"

**It is against the warrior code, I can't believe I'm saying this but Empresskit/paw/Glitter is right.**

_**I think the saying that we should use is 'The Dark Forest has Just Froze Over'.**_

Doctorwho shrugged. "idc."

"THEN YOU R BANSIHED!" the punk protagonist shouted.

"Empressmajesticglitter, you can't banish him!" Majesticexcellency cired.

**Listen to your mom! You can't banish him!**

"I love him and he's your dad!"

_**I wonder if having a medicine cat for a dad is worse or better than having a cat from another clan as a Dad.**_

**Let's think about this, Leoparstars dad was a medicine cat, but he was a warrior when she was born. Brokenstar had Yellowfang who was his mom but I don't think her being a medicine cat is why he ended up so evil. Hollyleaf has a moral obsessed daughter, a blind son and Lionblaze. **

**...Maybe a Medicine Cat for a parent really does affect their mentality.**

Empressglitter was mad. "URE BANISHED TOO!"

_**You're banishing your mum, you really want to do that?**_

Moralstar nodded. "I don't lick cats who break the warrior code. You both are banished forever!"

**I don't like Moralstar.**

_**Join the clan, I'm Clan Leader.**_

"Fone," Doctorwho sad. "We'll go join MeanClan with our boring dumb son."

**He's not boring!**

_**At least MeanClan will have two medicine cats now.**_

Doctorwho and Majesticexcellency then left.

Empressglitter narrowed her eyes. "Good. Two more bad cats are gone. PerfectClan can have only perfect cats in it!"

_**Why are you still in it than?**_

**Good one. **

"Thats right" Moraltsar said. "Everyone else belongs in MeanClan."

**Is their only two clans? **

_**I think so.**_

"I culd protect the warrior code better if I was leader," Empresspaw sed.

_**NO! You can't do it!**_

Moralstar shook his head. "You have to wait until I die." "Then Goodheart will be leader!"

**Yes, let Goodheart be leader! He is a better choice than Empressglitter!**

"Yes," Goodheart meowed. "The deputy becomes leader after the elader dies.

_**Exactly! And Empressglitter needs an apprentice!**_

"Not WHILE IM HERE!" empressglitter cried. She jumped at Goodheat and scratched her thraoght. Goodheart died infancy.

**Harsh, but died infancy? He was a kit?**

_**...oh God...Empressglitter is a murderer! There is no way anyone would make her deputy now! No one is that insane!**_

Moralstar stared at the body. "My deputy!"

_**Exile her! EXILE HER!**_

"It's okay, Moralstar," Empressglitter said. "I still luv u."

"Oh, then its all good then."

"kk"

**...Moralstar is a idiot.**

_**I'm trying to hold back my rage.**_

The leader looked at his clan. "The knew deputy will be...Empressglitter!"

_**Rage is let loose: YOU ARE THE BIGGEST MOUSE BRAINED FOX DUNG FACED IDIOT IN THE WORLD! HOW DID YOU EVEN BECOME LEADER?! YOU'RE BRAINLESS! YOU HAVE BEES FOR BRAINS!**_

"Empresskit! Empressglitter!" the clan chaired.

"I should be leader now," Empressglitter said.

Moralstar said no. "No. I want to finish my reign first. i only have two lifes left, so it wont be long anyway."

**Empressglitter is pretty ambitious.**

_**Ambition can kill.**_

"kk. we can be mates unti, you die," epresspaw sad.

_**I'm starting to hate the idea of 'mates'.**_

Nerdpaw came up to them. "And I will be your mate until i die!"

_**NOPE!**_

**Run Nerdpaw, run!**

Empressglitter nodded. "I'm so lucky to have two awesome mates, a future as a leader, and no evil brothers or rule-breaking parents!"

Den she felt a movie in her stomach. IT WAS KITS!1111!

_**A movie is in her stomach?**_

**Movies are kits? Okay?**

"MOOOOOOO!111!" SHE cried.

**You're not a cow.**

_(A/N: dat wus an awesum chapter, write? I mad a cliffhunger!_

_Oh dear...so Moralstar won't just step down and give Empressglitter the throne...I mean leadership position. And who's the father of her kits? Hm...)_

**_Why do I get the feeling it's like Lunarmoon having Snakefang the father where her ktis dads aren't Nerdpaw or Moralstar._**


	7. Chapter 7

"Spades."

"Cometblaze."

The red tom narrowed his eyes at his creator and the host, "You haven't updated _The Blazing Comet_ yet, and you already update _The Death Host_, finished _Blue Seas Fire Palace, _and posted two new chapters of _Pegasus_, not to mention gave the readers shipping bait for that story," he listed in annoyance, "So why haven't you updated my story?"

The human girl shrugged slightly, "You're story isn't as easy to write as _Pegasus_," she defended herself with her arms raised, "I mean come on, it's even harder to write than _The Death Host_, though the chapter will be more interesting considering what Anton is going to do-"

"Spoilers, not allowed on here, Spades," Khaxan interrupted them, slapping a hand over her mouth, and flashed a smile at the camera, "All she's allowed to say is that _I'll _finally be making a physical appearance in _The Death Host _soon."

Spades pushed his hand away and smiled back at him, "Yeah, what he said."

"You're going to add Anton to the list of characters you had the foxdung beaten out of soon aren't you?" Cometblaze asked raising an eyebrow.

Khaxan and Spades exchanged looks, "No~"

"I call foxdung," the red furred and eyed tom stated.

Spades ruffled his fur and then did the same to Khaxans hair, "Yeah, call it as much as you want," she said and grinned, "I'm just excited about the next story arc for _Pegasus,_" Spades admitted with a gleeful smile that turned into a malicious smile, "We'll finally have background info on our lovely bartender Jane Harper, and add one of my favorite brutal characters."

"You're not talking about who I think you are, are you?" Khaxan asked.

"I'm talking about _exactly _who you're thinking of."

"Who are you guys talking about?" Cometblaze asked and shook his head, "It's not important, our break is over the audience is watching, can we get on with the review and get this demon off the stage?"

Spades nodded, "Khaxan, off," she said shooing the black haired demon away.

* * *

_(A/N: I was asked if this was based on *gulp* you-know-what. _

**_What's 'you-know-what'? I don't know what._**

**I think I do. **

_The answer is: yes, sort of. A lot of my ideas for this came from that story,_

**_WHAT story?_**

_ but I'vr taken some ideas from other stories as well._

**I can tell, all you need is cats wearing clothes and you got a homage to Obsidianwing story.**

_ Anyway...here is chapter 6, my loyal subjects.)_

**Yes, our Empress**

**_I'm not your loyal anything._**

Chapter 6

The Visit

**To the mental institute.**

_**To the Dark Forest. Or Naveroks office.**_

"Why are you crying? Moraltsar asked.

_**She just realized she's not perfect at all.**_

Empressglitter sobbed. "I'm expecting KITES!111!"

**Well kites are better than kits. Kites are more fun to have and less responsibility.**

The leeder luked conffused. "That's okay. There mine, right?"

_**Possibly.**_

"NO! THEIR MINE!" Nerdpaw yowled.

**Perhaps their both, I mean think of Moonshimmer, her kits had two different biological fathers.**

The pink cat sobbed harrder cuz she had a secret.

_**I still can't get over the fact that she's pink.**_

**You're one to talk, you're an unnatural shade of red with bright red eyes.**

_**Be quiet!**_

Neither of her mats were the kits' father. "They r Moralstar's" she lied.

_**Liars are not appreciated here. But who's the real dad?**_

**It's like Snakefang all over again.**

"Yes! I'm going to be a father again!" Moralstar sed.

Nerdpaw was angry. He was angry. "But I want to bee the kits' father."

**You're going to have to deal with it.**

_**Be an adoptive father figure.**_

"But ure not."

Nerdpaw cired and run away from camp.

_**Crybaby.**_

Dictionarypaw followed him for sum reason.

**I wonder why *Whistles***

Empresspaw sobbed harder as she paddded away. How culd this half happened to her?

_**I can list a few reasons, but kits are a blessing and not a curse. So really I can't list reasons that wouldn't make it seem like they're a curse.**_

**You just contradicted yourself but yeah, your an idiot Empressglitter and don't know about safe sex it seems *Sips Hot Coco***

She had onyl scene Brokenstar once!

***Spit Take***

**What? WHAT?! Brokenstar?! HIM! WHAT?!**

_**Who's Brokenstar?**_

**Only one of the _best _villains in the Warrior Saga! The greatest evil leader of all time! SHE DID NOT MAKE HIM HER MATE!**

How culd he be there father?

**Yes, _how? _He's _dead_!**

_**That does bring up the question of how.**_

But she new it couldnt be Moralstar or Nerdpaw. She just new it.

**I didn't know mothers just 'knew' who the father was, pretty useful I suppose.**

That nite she fell asleap. She dreamed. She was in the Fark Dorest.

_**Where she belongs.**_

It was very dark. It was scary. Brokentsar cam up to her.

**Kill her! KILL HER!**

_**You're foaming at the mouth...and scaring me now.**_

"u r going to have me kites," he sad.

**You gave her your kites? Why?! She doesn't deserve kites not when she's getting your kits!**

"Yes."

Brokenstar was happy. His eyes filled wit luv. "I always wanted to bee a fadder."

_**Why? It seems like a responsibility not meant for psychotic leaders.**_

Empressglitter nodded. "I always wanted to bee a mather."

**She's not even seven moons old yet, did you notice that?**

_**I completely forgot about that, that is...she's to young to have kits. She's just too young!**_

"r u going to tell perfectclan that i am the father?"

**That would be an awful move to make.**

_**She should tell them, maybe they'll kill her for it.**_

"No. Im telling them that Moralstar is there father" the pink she-cat said.

_**White lies to the clan, you're even less perfect now.**_

**Not that she was perfect to begin with.**

Brokenstar was sad. He wanted to bee the father. But he new it would make Empressglitter happy if Moralstar was there father.

_**Why is her happiness so important? Why?**_

"I luv you, Empresgliter."

**Don't. Love. Her. You. Deserve. Better.**

"I luv you too," she meowd b4 she woke up.

**Three toms.**

_**Three toms, one is her grandfather, one is an apprentice, one is a dead cat. Just...so...wrong...**_

_(A/N: Stargleam has Hawkfrost. Empressglitter has Brokenstar. How nice is it that these evil toms suddenly turn good?)_

**_I don't like you. You created this abomination that is Empressglitter, you better find a way to redeem yourself._**

**Be nice, Cometblaze.**

_**I will not be nice just because you told me!**_

**Will you do it for a box of catnip?**

_**Yes. Yes I will.**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Happy Mothers Day everyone!**

* * *

Cometblaze looked around as he sat in his seat, Spades was no where to be seen, but it was time to start the show. He smiled slightly, that meant that Khaxan had done his job and distracted her, probably with hot coco, the damn twoleg was addicted to that stuff.

"All right, now I want to make this announcement before Spades gets here," the red cat said as he sat up straight, "Since it's mothers day and everything, this message is to all those reading who are also mothers."

Cometblaze paused and took a deep breath as he glanced around, to make sure Spades wasn't sneaking up on him, "We wanted to say, you go girls. You guys carried your kits in your tummies for nine whole months. It was a rough ordeal for you queens, some more so than others. But you did it, and nine months later, you had kits. You raised and are raising your kits to be amazing people, who will grow up to be strong warriors or...well twolegs don't have warriors do they?" Cometblaze asked and chuckled as he shook his head realizing what he said wouldn't apply to them.

"Your kits will grow up to be wonderful twolegs...er...wonderful _humans_, because they have amazing mothers, you guys," he continued and smiled, "Some days you may hate your job, but it's rewarding in the end to see them smile and to love them. And I just want to say, you are awesome mums, each and every one of you."

"So Happy Birthgivers Day," Cometblaze ended.

The crowd applauded at his speech, which may not have been the most perfect speech, but he tried, and he was proud of himself.

Spades walked onto the stage clapping and crying, "Aww...Cometblaze you're trying to take on Twoleg things while on the show," she sobbed hugging the cat, "You even called us 'humans'! You are my favorite cat, Cometblaze!"

"Let go!" Cometblaze cried out in panic, and when he was let go, he shook, "Can we just start the review?"

* * *

_(A/N: Once I started writing this with correct grammar and then went back and made the errors,__ this got a lot easier. _

**Maybe I should try that with Ebony Stone.**

_It is so hard to write errors on purpose. _

**_I don't get why you would want to anyways._**

**But it is hard.**

_This is much harder than I thought it would be._

**But its fun.**

_ Oh...if anyone wanted to do a repost and make mean comments, you have my permission. Now onto the story, my lovely subjects..._

**_I'm still not your loyal anything! My loyalty is to SunClan. ...and the other three Clans since I'm kind of their leader despite not wanting to be._**

_Now eye tired 2 speel reel gud dis tim! Falmers go 2 heck!)_

**All Flamers Go to Heaven.**

_**All Flamers go to StarClan.**_

Chapter 7

Teh gathering

_**Can't be any worse than my first Gathering as a SunClan cat.**_

"Wake up, Empressglitter" Moralstar sad.

"Wat is it?"

**Time to sacrifice you to the Fire Gods for M.C.**

The leader pawsed. "It's time 2 go 2 the gathering."

_**I wonder if something interesting will happen.**_

The pink cat was instantly awake. "Oh gud! Then we can tell the other clans that I am going to have ur kits!"

_**Should they care?**_

**No, they shouldn't.**

Nerdpaw cam in the den. "I came bak. I still luv u, Empresspaw. We can still be mats."

**Why would you want to be a mat? People walk all over mats.**

"And I'll still be ur mat to" Moraltaar said.

_**It's a mat party up here.**_

**No one wants to be a mat because no one wants to be a doormat. **

Empressglitter smiled. Both of her maes still luved her

**Wait...Maes loves you? I'm sorry, but Maes is married to Gracia, and has a daughter, Elicia. He's also...*Sobs* dead...Why Envy? Why? You, my favorite Homunculi, killed my favorite human!**

and neither of them new Brokenstar was the fadder of her kites!

_**Do you think they care?**_

She runned 2 the gathering. She climbed on the High Tree. "Cats of Meanclan, I am Perfectclan's new deputy!" she announcered.

**Hey, hey, hey. Isn't it the LEADERS job to be on the High Tree and do the announcements?**

_**She's breaking every rule in the book.**_

"GASP!" gasped Meanclan cast.

Hopestar didnt look surprised. "I alredy new that cuz I have pies."

**I want pies. Do you have apple pie?**

_**Meh, I'm a cat. I don't eat pies.**_

"Who r ur pies?" Empressglitter demanded.

"They r…NICEPAW AND EVILPAW!"

_**I'm sorry, but to be proper spies, don't they have to be a part of PerfectClan?**_

**I think so.**

The pink cat was angry.

_**I still can't get over how she's pink.**_

How culd dey spy on her?

**How dare they!**

_**But how can they when they aren't a part of her Clan?**_

Hopestar had more knews. "And this past moon tree cats from Perfectclan half joined Meanclan.

They are Majesticexcellency, Doctorwho, and Dumbpaw."

**We know.**

"How dare they!" Empresspaw shoutted.

_**Hey, you kind of exiled them. There is nothing against them joining a new clan.**_

"Dont u know what they did?"

"Yeah. They r smart," Hopestar sad.

_**Thank you Hopestar, you are a decent leader, you know that?**_

Empressglitter was sad. How could her family do dis 2 her?

**How could you do what you did to your family is a better question. You are a horrible person, Empressglitter.**

_**A very horrible person...er...cat. A horrible cat.**_

It mad her even more sad cuz she could see Dumbpaw and Nicepaw sitting next to each other and dey were kissing.

_**EW! Ew, ew, ew!**_

**Seriously, what is with you and going 'ew' at kissing?**

_**It's gross! Swapping spit? is that even healthy?**_

Then…out of the bushes…cam…Brokenstar!

**He better be there to kill PerfectClan.**

_(A/N: Brokenstar's alive! It's just like Hawkfrost in Starkit's Prophecy! Oh, I was asked why I chose Brokenstar. The answer: because I like him! I just think he's a great villain.)_

**_If you like him, why torture him?_**

**If you like the character, why not torture them? It's fun!**

_**...are all Twolegs this insane?**_


	9. Chapter 9

_(A/N: Isn't this story awful? Poor Brokenstar! :(_

**_I'd say, he's forced to become Empresssucks mate._**

_ Anyway, I've got up through Chapter 14 written, _

**Fourteen chapters of twenty, we only have nine out of twenty done.**

_so I'll be able to post these pretty quickly. I don't know how long this story will actually be._

**_I think Spades said it was twenty chapters._**

_ I'm thinking around 20-ish chapters. _

**_Yeah._**

_Now on with the story!_

_Tank u 4 teh nice reveiws! Dey mak me so happi!)_

**_No one cares._**

**Good reviews are nice.**

Chapter 8

The Reveel

"I am teh true father of Empressglitter's kites!" Brokenstar sed.

**Way to take the initiative and refuse to let another tome take claim.**

Moraltsar gaped. "Is dis true?" he asked.

Empresspaw noded. "It is. He is my kits' fadder."

_**And the lies come out. See, she's not perfect at all.**_

"Noooo!" Nerdpaw cryed. He leeped at Brkoenstar and scratched his noose. He diied.

_**...a scratch on the nose killed him?**_

**That is just ridiculous. Seriously ridiculous.**

"Brokne-baby!" Empressglitter cried. "How can u be dead?"

**Well, he was already dead. He died in ThunderClan, remember? So he was killed while he was dead by Nerdpaw.**

_**I say he's lucky to get out so quickly.**_

Hopstar didnt car aboot Empressglitter, so he took Meanclan home.

_**Smart. Though it was a lame and quick Gathering.**_

Empresspaw waked bak 2 Perfectclan sadly. Her life wus so horrible!

**Oh, really?**

_**You're making **_**my _life horrible, Empressglitter._**

"Moralstar" he meowed. "I have 2 be leader know. Step down!"

**Seriously? Like that?**

_**What is with everyone and wanting to become leader?! It's a horrible position!**_

"I cant" the leader sad. "I don't want 2 bee a warrior agin."

_**I **_**do _want to be just a warrior again. Empressglitter, here, you can take my place!_**

**NOPE!**

Empressglitter wus angry. She deserved to be leeder!

_**Sorry, but that's a load of foxdung.**_

Her 1 true luv had just ded!

**What happened to Moralstar and Nerdpaw being your love?**

"Mak me leader! Starclan wants me 2 be the leader!"

**_Ugh...I hate it when StarClan decides who to be leader._**

"You will be leeder one day, but dat day is not 2day" Moralstar sad.

**Yeah, Empressglitter, that day isn't today.**

"Den u are not my mat anymore!" Empresskit yowled. She stalked away form him.

_**Smart,.Empresskit, and yes, you're a kit again, finally left Moralstar, maybe he'll regain braincells.**_

Nerdpaw smiled. "u r still my mat right?"

Empresspaw nodded. " r my only make."

**What about Brokenstar?**

"Den I will be the kites' father!"

"Oak. But now I have to work on my plan 2 becom leeder of Perfectclan," she sed.

**Wait...is that the bells of rebellion I hear? Is she going to revolt against PerfectClan and steal leadership Tigerstar style?**

_**I think I'm starting to feel sorry for PerfectClan...**_

Then…THERE WAS PIANO!

**Who's playing the piano? Cats are not supposed to have pianos in their clans. It's a Twoleg thing.**

_(A/N: dun Dun DUN! A piano! JK...it's pain. _

**_Pain and Piano. What's a Piano?_**

_Flame away!)_

**_Why would anyone want fire to burn their things?_**

**So much to learn, Cometblaze, there is still so much for you to learn.**


	10. Chapter 10

_(A/N: Hey, y'all! I've got another fabulous installment of The Glittering Empress for you to read and hate,_

**_I hate this all right. _**

_ but first I thought I'd tell you that I'm going to call my fans my subjects from now on. I am an empress, after all. :) )_

**All hail Empress Tansy. Can I be a knight then? Or is that only for queens?**

_**I will be no Twolegs subject. Become a StarClan cat and maybe then I'll see you as an 'empress', whatever that is.**_

hcapter Nein

**Chapter No. **

The Berth

_**Well, like that isn't ominous.**_

**Ominous? It's just kit birth.**

_**Nothing more horrifying than birth giving. **_

Empressglitter felt piano in her stomach.

**She has got to be huge than if she has a piano in her tummy**

She fell ofer on her side. Her tummy opened up and it HURT!

_**Yeah, no surprise, her stomach just **_**opened up!**

Suddenly…Nicepaw and EVILPAW!

**What are they doing here?**

_**Kill her.**_

"Noooo!" Empresspaw cryed, but she was 2 week 2 move.

Nicepaw glared at the pick kat. "I hope u dye!" she hissed, rising a paw 2 scratch her.

**_We all hope she dies._**

**Kill her, Nicepaw! KILL!**

Evilpaw den leaped at his sister and knocked her over. "Dat is meen, Nicepaw! You can't hurt a she-kat when there giving berth!"

_**He's got a point. **_

Nicepaw scratched her brother. "Empressglitter nd her kites must die!"

_**But why must her kits?**_

Empresskit wus 2 hurt 2 get away from the fighting cats. Then her kits were born. Their were three of them.

_**Three kits?**_

**Three kits.**

"Wut do you want 2 name them?" Evilpaw esked.

_**Why are you still here?**_

"Um…I will name the purple one Redkit, the lite blue 1 Blackkit, and the orange one Whitekit" she sad.

_**...Purple...blue...orange...**_

**Well their mom _is _pink. But those names are awful.**

Evilpaw nodded. "Those r nice names."

**_No. They're not._**

Den…Nicepaw stol Redkit! She grabbed him and run away! "Hahahaha!" she laffed as she ran.

**He's better off that way anyways.**

"Sissy com back!" Evilpaw cryed, chasing after her. "That wasnt nice!"

Then Brokenstar padded up to Empressglitter. "Why did Nicepaw steal 1 of my babies?"

_**Aren't you dead?**_

**He was already dead.**

"Cuz…she's EVIL!"

**_We figured that out early on. But she just saved the kit._**

_(A/N: Why u no flame me? Is me gud at righting? Why r Empressstar's kits named after rong colors?)_

**_Because Empressglitter is a horrible mother and namer._**

**And it's funny, at lest we didn't have a rainbow eyed purple cat named Starkit be born**


	11. Chapter 11

_(A/N: Who wants another chapter of a stupid trollfic? You do! Oh, and because I've been told to advertise for people: please read Breaking Boundaries by A Castle of Glass and Endless Leaf-bare, Beyond Oblivion, and Turn Away by Guestpersonanonymous. _

**I'll check them out.**

_I have read these stories and loved them, and I believe these stories deserve more recognition. Give them a chance! :)_

**I will.**

_Know on wit teh stori! Its tim 4 de kites 2 bee born!)_

**_But they were already born and named._**

Chatper 10

Teh Rescoo

**I glanced over the word and my brain processed that as Tabasco before I actually read it.**

_**Chapter 10; Tabasco.**_

"We must get Redkit back!" Brokentsar sed.

**And now I keep seeing Reddit in place of Redkit.**

_**I still don't get why Brokenstar is here.**_

Den the rest of Perfectclan showed up. "We'll save him!"

**And fail, I hope.**

Moralstar and Firestrom and Ashfone nd Hopvegetable and Sunmuffin nd Vitaminheart and Tacobreath all run after Nicepaw. Empresskit and Brokenstar ran after them. Dey had 2 save Redkit!

**_Is that all the cats in PerfectClan or the only ones willing to return a kit to chaos?_**

They got 2 the Meanclan camp, but Nicepaw wus nowhere 2 bee fund.

"Hopestar!" Brokenstar cryed.

**Don't cry! You're one of the most feared leaders out there! YOU ARE BROKENSTAR!**

"Wut?" the leader sad.

"Wheres me son?"

Hopstar shrugged. "Idk."

_**He is not good at keeping track of kits. Or had he had nothing to do with their kitnapping?**_

Brokenstar wus mad. "Nicepaw stole my babi! We're here 2 recluse him!"

**This does not sound like Brokenstar at all, Brokenstar would expect them to be able to handle themselves in a fight by now.**

"Well u'll have 2 fight four him!

"I'll do it!" Whitekit shrieked.

**You're a kit.**

_**You're not even a day old yet!**_

She leeped at a kat and scratched him. Den she leaped at another cat ad killed her.

**_This is...this is ridiculous._**

**My thoughts exactly, she should be able to kill the entire clan at this point, not a few cats.**

Then she attacked a ginger kween who threw her 2 the ground.

**Fatality.**

"Ow!" the tik cried. "Mommy! Daddy! Help me!"

Bronekstar grabbed Whitekit and ran off.

_**He's a coward?**_

**Brokentar would not run off! HE WOULD KILL THE QUEEN WITH NO MERCY**

The ginger queen stod in front of the nursery. "u will never see ur presious Redkit agan" she snarled.

_**Thank StarClan, the kit is safe.**_

Empressglitter glared at the queen. "It is not nick to steel kits! Give him back!"

_**Don't!**_

**I wonder if Nicepaw works for Social Services and MeanClan is a part of Social Services, that would explain a lot.**

"Never!" the he-cat spat.

Then Dumbpaw waked up the ginger queen nd stood beside her. "Tansystarheart is write.

_**Tansystarheart? What was she Tasnystarkit, Tansystarpaw? That is a horrible name!**_

**But it's the author.**

Redkit will half a better life here in MeanClan than he ever wud have had in PerfectClan. I'm going 2 raise him as me sun!"

_**I support you, Tansystarheart, you have a great plan and Redkit is better off here.**_

"NOOOOOOO!"

**YEEEEEEEES**

_**Why did you yell that? Right next to me?**_


	12. Chapter 12

_(A/N: I was told I'm not cut-out at writing Trollfics. Believe me, I know. _

**_I still don't get the point of Trollfics and never will understand them._**

**Hey, this may not be any SSB: Mission from God, Unforgiven Attack on Titan, Starkits Prophecy or even a My Immortal, but it's still pretty funny. **

_This is much harder than I thought it would be. I have a new respect for troll writers.)_

**Hence why Ebony Tail isn't updated daily.**

Chapter 110

_**Wait, Chapter 110? Where did the other hundred go?**_

The Knew leader

**Oh I don't like the sound of that.**

_**Dear StarClan...**_

Empressglitter stromed bak 2 camp. How culd Meanclan just steal her kit lick that? NicePaw and Tansyhert were the biggest meanies EVER!

_**They saved your kit from **_**you.**

Whitkit padded up 2 her moter. "Mama I want me brother bak!"

**No. You don't. Trust me.**

_**Where did the third kit go?**_

"He will come back 2 us someday" Empressglitter mewed. "WE HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT"

_**No need to freaking scream.**_

"Yes" Brockenstar sad. "My son will be oka."

**I thought NerdPaw claimed them as his kits.**

_**I thought Brokenstar died.**_

Empresspaw narrowed her eyes. "I ned 2 mak a plan."

"Whut r u going 2 do?" Brokentsar asked.

"I must becom the leeder of Perfectclan."

_**PerfectClan already has a horrible leader. It doesn't need too.**_

Moralstar interuped the he-cat. "You must wait until I dye!"

**What he said is true.**

The pick cat shok her hed. "No. My sun is gone. I must be leader now."

_**NO YOU DON'T!**_

**What does her son being gone have to do with becoming leader?**

"You will not bee teh leader 4 as long as Im alive!" the leader sed.

_**Well, she is the deputy so when he dies she becomes leader.**_

"THEN DIE!" Brokenstar screeched. He leaped at Moralstra nd sliced his side. The blak mot died.

**Oh my fucking Enkindlers.**

_**Enkindlers?**_

**Mass Effect. I kind of stopped saying that without noticing. I'm getting back into the habit.**

"He's dead!" Whitekit meowed. "Now u can bee the leader Mommy!"

_**She just orchestrated her predecessors death! There has to be a rule against it!**_

Empressglitter nodded. "I will go 2 the Shinyrock and get my 9 lifes from Starclan. Brokenstar, you will bee my depudy."

_**BUT BROKENSTAR IS DEAD!**_

**Just don't think about it.**

"Wut will u do after u get ur nien lifes?" the tom asked.

"I will destroy Meanclan for being mean!" Den she left the camp.

_**Wow, a little extreme.**_

But then…EVILPAW!

"Evilpaw what are you doing here?" Empressglitter qestioned.

**"I'm here to kill you, you pink menace."**

The red tom luked at her. "I fel bad because my sister stol ur son. Its just that Meanclan feel that u'll be a bad leader. Hopestar mad Nicepaw and I pie on u, and we think u're insane."

_**She's completely insane! You need to send her into exile to protect the clans!**_

"THATS SO MEAN!" Empresspaw cryed.

Evilpaw luked down at the ground. "I know, but…I love you. Will…you be…my MAT?"

**I already explained why you cant be mats. No one wants to be stepped on.**

"GASP!"

**_I...I Give up...this is just so messed up. Is this what would have happened had Lunarmoon become leader? Please say no._**


	13. Chapter 13

_(A/N: Good afternoon, subjects. Empress Tansy here with a rather disappointing announcement. Packing to leave college for home is taking longer than I expected, _

**This was when I realized that Tansy was a college kid. To be honest, I thought she was high school at the oldest until right now.**

_**I don't know...is this a good thing or no?**_

_so this is all you're getting from me today. I don't have time to write a new episode of Win a Date with Nightcloud. I should be back on FF by Sunday, Monday at the latest. So until then, IF I find any time at all to get, it will only be a chapter of this.)_

**Old news. She's back, that's good.**

Chapter 12

The Travel 2 Shinirok

_**That sounds like some weird non cat name.**_

"Well" Evilpaw asked. "I will bee a better mat dan Moralstar or Nerdpaw or Brockenstar."

**Moralstar dumped her sorry ass.**

_**And then was killed by Brokenstar.**_

"Moraltsar and I broke up" Empressglitter mewed. "But I still luv Nerdpaw nd Brokenstar."

_**I am against polygamy, that's the twoleg term, right?**_

**Yep, I think.**

The Meanclan cat luked sad. "But I luv u!"

Empresspaw felt bad. "Im sorry. I was being mean. I can love u 2!"

_**It's like love is an On Off switch for her.**_

"So ou will bee my mate?"

"Sure!"

Evilpaw bounced happily. "Yay! Oh…I shuld probably mention Hopstar is planing a revolution and is going 2 half u overthrown if u becom leeder.

**I know who I'm allying myself with.**

_**MeanClan for the win.**_

Dumbpaw and Nicepaw r going 2 lead the fite."

_**I will donate the best warriors from NightClan, MoonClan and DayClan to aid MeanClan. I will try and see if we can get some SunClan warriors out there too.**_

"Oh NO!" Empressglitter shouted. "Then I need 2 get me nine lifes quick! Lets go 2 Shinyrock!"

**It won't do you any good if someone kills you Scourge Style.**

They ran and run and ran until there paws hurt. Finally dey got 2 the Shinyrock. It was very shiny.

_**Thank you for pointing out the obvious.**_

It made Empressglitter's rainbow eyes sprakle.

_***Shudders***_

**Rainbow eyes are just creepy.**

They sparkled lick sparkling glitter dat sparkles.

Evilpaw pressed his fac in2 Empressglitter's fur. "Its beautyful but not as beautyful or prefect as u."

**No one gives a shit if she's pretty or not.**

_**She's a PINK FURRED cat with RAINBOW EYES! that's not pretty!**_

"I am the most beautyful and perfect kat ever aren't I?" Empresskit agreed.

_**No. No you are not.**_

**I'm sorry but you are far from perfect.**

_**MORALSTAR IS YOUR GRANDPA FOR THE LOVE OF SILVERPELT!**_

"Starclan better give me my lifes fast

_**Trust me, it's painful. Very, **_**very _painful_**

so I can prepare Perfectclan 4 the fight wit MeanClan! I still have 2 save me son form that evil Pansyheart…"

**Pansyheart? hehe, I don't know if that's her way of being clever of a spelling mistake but it's funny.**

"Then get ur lives" Evilpaw said. "Ill be hear when u woke up."

"kk."

**Kk? KitKat? KitKat bar? I'm hungry now.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors Note:** Hey guys, this is just a short shout out to everyone reading this, for you guys to check out our (Or rather my) story The Death Host that's on Fictionpress. A link to it is on our profile on here. So if you get the time and want to read something supernatural-y, go check it out. It has Demon Hunters, powerful demons, and KHAXAN...eventually. He's a major player but he hasn't actually shown up yet.

* * *

_(A/N: I'm back! Yay!)_

Chapter Thriteene

The Nien Lives

**Whenever I see Nien or Nein, I will always think No.**

_**The No Lives.**_

Empressglitter closet her eyes. She opened hre eyes.

**She closed them again, and then opened them again.**

Their wer stars! Sparkly tsars! Den Bluestar showd up! And so died Firstar!

_**Who? Are they the cats from the Lake Clans?**_

**Two ThunderClan leaders.**

"OMG, ure Bullstar and Firestar!" Empresspaw sad.

**_How would she know about them? _**

"Yes we r" Bluestar meowed. "r u redy 2 get your nine lives? u have 2 defeet Meanclan Empressglitter.

_**I'm sorry, but why do they care about MeanClan and PerfectClan?**_

**I wish I knew.**

We can't let clans think its okay to steal kites!"

**Stealing kites is mean! You should buy them or borrow them.**

Empressglitter nodded. "Then give me me nine lifes now! Bluestar gave her the fist life. "I give u the life of prefection. Use it 2 be perfect."

_**I'm sorry, but how is being 'perfect' going to help her clan at all?**_

The life hurt! It hurt Empressglitter. She didnt now if she culd take it 8 more times!

_**I know the feeling, the most painful life I got though was the life of Endurance that my mentor/fathers brother gave me, followed by the life that Lunarmoon gave me.**_

**Gaining lives hurt, a lot.**

Firstar gave her the next life. "I give u the life of good and moralness.

Use it 2 bee good and moral." It hurt lick lightning!

**_How would she knew what lightning felt like?_**

**Why would anyone lick lightning?**

Den Yellowfang, Leafpool, Crookedtsar, Tallstar, Mististar, Whitetale,

_**How would she know about them?...aren't three of them still alive? How far into the future is this story?!**_

**I'm more concerned over her bringing them into this.**

and Stargleam gave her lifes.

**Holyfuckingshit NO! Why Tansy? WHY STARGLEAM?!**

**_Who's Stargleam?_**

**Someone you shall hopefully never meet.**

They all hert! It made Empressglitter feel lick jello.

_**Jell-O is yummy.**_

**How do you know what Jell-O tastes like? You're a cat.**

_**Not telling.**_

Bluestar then finished teh ceremony. "u will be known as Empressstar

**Triple S**

from now on. Now that u r the leader u must overthrow Hopestar and unite perfectclan and meanClan.

_**Why unify the clans? There needs to be TWO clans, not one! **_

u will have to destroy Nicepaw, dumbpaw, and Tinsyheart cause they r bad and mean cats. Can u do this?"

_**Why would StarClan issue someone to be killed? They have to be **_**really _awful to get that sentence._**

"Yes I can! Death to my mean brother! Death to mean Nicepaw! Death to mean Tansyheart!" Empressstar cried.

**Death to the Infidels! Death to the traitors! Death to the Mary Sues! Who's with me?!**

"I will untie the clans and rain as Empressstar, leaeer of EmpireClan!"

_**Woohoo, you named the clan after yourself. So great. Not. I'm not impressed at all.**_

"Empressstar! Empressstar!" the Starclan cats cheered.

**Empressstar is an odd name.**

_(Falme away! Eye right gud!)_

**_No. You do not._**


	15. Chapter 15

_(A/N: Dang, this is my last pre-written chapter. I need to start writing more...)_

**I know the feeling. Hence why M.C and I are going to try and write as many chapters of our next Commentary before actually uploading it. We will fail at that**

Catper Thriteine

**_I'm going to hope that is Twoleg for Chapter Thirteen._**

**That's not even a human language, that's just...something else.**

Teh Return 2 PerfetCcan

**Hopefully she gets exiled.**

Empressstar woke up.

"Did u get ur nein lifes" Evilpaw asked.

_**Be like Nightstar, don't get the nine lives.**_

**I never understood why Nightstar didn't get his nine lives but Sunstar did? Both Brokenstar and Pinestar were still alive when their predecessors took charge.**

The pick cat noded. "I did. Bluetsar told me I must overthrew Hopstar and untie our 2 Clanns.

_**I'm going to use human language for this; Bullshit she did! why the hell would anyone want to merge two Clans? It's not done!**_

We must return 2 perfectclan and plan for war!"

Evilnice nodded. "Lets hurry"

Dey run nd ran and run until they got 2 camp.

"Cats I half an announcement" Empressstar cryed.

**_"I shall be executing myself because I orchestrated the previous leader and deputies deaths."_**

"Wat is it leeder?" everyone asked.

Teh she-kat glared at them. "We must overthrow Hopetsar, destroy Dumbpaw, Nicepaw, and Tansyheart, and safe Redkit!"

**A little extreme for saving a kit.**

"Well do it!" they shoutted.

_**Yes, they said 'well' not 'we'll'. Please not that the wrong word is used, they are not saying that **_**they'll _help her, they're telling her to do that stuff, perhaps by herself._**

Empressstar den luked at Evilpaw. "Evilpaw is joining Prefectclan cuz I sad so and he has 2 do what I say.

_**No. He doesn't.**_

**Why does he have to do as she says?**

He is me new mate too and I declare that his warrior nam will bee Evilisactuallynice."

_**I...that is the worst name I ever heard of.**_

**Perhaps even worse than the warrior name Bluestar gave to Brightheart.**

"Yay! Good 4 u Evilisactuallynice!" the Clan cheered.

**I Feel bad for Evilisactuallynice. I feel really bad for him.**

The Brokenstar was sad cause he felt like Empressglitter wus cheeting on him.

_**She kind of is.**_

He didnt agree to share her becuz he didn't care about sharing.

_**Good for him, you shouldn't share mates.**_

**But sharing is caring, and caring is sharing!**

_**I...hate that song...**_

He wasn't actually nice.

**I would think so. He's in the Dark Forest, he's a kitnapper, he beats cats up with toy trains. **

Sadly he ran away from Perfectclan 2 go back to the Dark Forest wear he belonged.

**Thank you for going home, Brokenstar. You are a ShadowClan cat not a PerfectClan cat.**

"Daddy stay here" Whitkite cried but her father wus gone.

_**He's gone where he belongs.**_

Empressstar raised her head hihe. "Now let's prepare 4 war!"

**So are you in or out? **

_**What is with you and these songs?!**_

_(A/N: Did i right gud? I tired reall herd dis chatper. Ni falmeres plez!)_

**_I...am not going to try and understand that ramble_**

_Flame away!_

**This is essentially one big flame.**


	16. Chapter 16

_(A/N: I wrote three chapters of this yesterday! I think it's going to get worse before it gets better. By the way...didn't Empressstar have three kits? Why have only Redkit and Whitekit been mentioned? Where's this third kit?_

**_He ran away to be free of the stupidity that is Empressstar. _**

_Oh, and thank you Lilacstream99 for that flame! It's the best one I've gotten!)_

**Everyone give Lilacstream99 a round of applauds. That's an order.**

_no falmres! falmers r nreds! _

**Falmers are snow elves that dwell in dwemer ruins. They are assholes you face in Skyrim.**

_I is very sramt! I is not a troll!)_

_**I know. You're a twoleg. That's worse.**_

**I take offence at that being a twoleg and all.**

Chapter 15

The Fist Fite

"I deklare Evilisactuallynice is teh new depuuty of Perfectclan!" Empressstar yowled.

_**That's against the Warrior Code! Has he had an apprentice? No! He just became a warrior, you can't make him deputy!**_

Evilisactuallynice bowwed his hed. "Tank u. I promise 2 bee a gud deputy for perfectClan. I will help fight 4 Empressstar so he can untie the 2 clans."

**And untie the clans she will.**

"Yay" Whitekite cheered. "My dadDdy is teh depudy!"

_**He's not your dad!**_

But b4 some1 culd remind the kite Brockentsar was actually her fadder Meanclan attaked!

**Whitekit is an idiot, Brokenstar is her dad. But go MeanClan!**

_**MeanClan! Save the other kit!**_

"We will capture Whitkit!" Hopstar snarled as he plunged in2 teh camp.

_**Save her and kill Empressstar you useless idiots!**_

"Never!" Empressstar spat swiping teh ugly tome wit her paw.

**Hey now, Hopestar isn't that ugly.**

Dumbpaw ran over to his sitter. "u have no rite 2 raise her! Tansyheart and I will raise Whitekit along wit Readkite!"

**_Well, she's Whitekits mother, so technically she has the rite to raise her own kit._**

**_...I can't believe I'm defending the dumb fleabag._**

"u're so mean 2 me Dumbpaw!" the pick leader cryed.

**Yes, he's mean but Empressstar was meaner to him.**

_**I approve of the amount of meanness that dumpaw displays.**_

"Im a warrior now!" the boring brown tim growled hitting his sister wit a paw. "Im Dumbissmart now.

**And here I was hoping that Meanclan would give him a decent name.**

_**Dumbissmart is an awful name!**_

And Nicepaw has been namd Niceisactuallyevil and she's expecting me kites!"

_**That's even worse than Dumbissmart! What is with all these horrible names?!**_

Empressglitter recolied in horror. "How cud u half kits with an evil kat?"

**IT'S TRUE LOVE! *Hits Empressstar with a banjo***

Dumbissmart scratched teh she-kats sid. "I luv her. She and I will help meanclan defeet perfectClan and restor order 2 the frost!"

_**I would be more concerned with the forest instead of the frost.**_

The pink he-cat soodenly wus very angry. "u meanClan cats r 2 mean! Frist Hopstar attacks my Clan then Niceisactuallyevil steals Redkite den Tansyheart won't let me half him bak and know u're trying to steel me daughter and get rid of my!"

_**MeanClan is a true hero, but they are also becoming incompetent. especially with naming.**_

"u're a horrible leeder!" Dumbissmart grwoled striking her sid.

**That we can agree on.**

"I AM NOT!" Den she flipped him over and scrachted his belly. His eyes widdened and he strugled 2 his feet fleaing the camp.

_**Was it a scratch or a Scourge Scratch?**_

**He would be dead if it was a Scourge Scratch.**

"I'll bee back!" he cried as he ran of.

_**You better be! I'm betting two squirrels on you beating Empressstar! I can't lose the bet to Lunarmoon!**_

Hopetsar saw dat Dumbissmart left and he stopped fighting. "u may have one this fight but we wil retrun. Meanclan will not rest until u r overthrewn!"

**Why is he ending it because Dumbissmart left? Is he like their Lionblaze?**

But then Empresspaw realzed something bad. It wus very bad 2 relize atdhis moment. he wus expecting Evilisactuallynices kits!

_**That was...unnaturally fast. How long have you guys been mates?!**_

**Not long enough for her to give birth.**

_(A/N: Oh no! More kits! Don't they realize they're going to be born in the middle of a war?_

**_That's never stopped anyone before._**

**He's got a point.**

_Flame away!)_

**We will.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Quick Question for those reading Ebony Tail before we do the next chapter; just how wrong/fucked up do you think we should go for the story? Should we go all the way into stupidness/wrongness? We're asking you that so we don't lose readers for crossing a line.**

* * *

_(A/N: I know you guys suggested names, but I named the kits before you did! _

**_Good for you?_**

_And I chose these names on purpose (there is an important reason for the names)._

**I like important reasons!**

_ Anyway, y'all seem to really like this story. I have no idea why. _

**_Neither do I, neither do I._**

_Sometimes I wonder why I'm even writing this thing.)_

**_So do I._**

Chapter 16

Teh Strugle

"How can I bee expecting kites at a tim lick this?" Empresskit whaled.

**I know right? Rude for the kits, huh?**

Evilisactuallynice srugged. "I dont now but I'll bee a gud father. I primose."

_**No. You won't.**_

**I hope he's a good father, also, what happened to Nerdpaw?**

"Yay! I'm gonna 2 have baby borthers and sitters" Whitkit meowwed.

_**No one cares, Whitekit, now go back to being quiet.**_

The leeder narrowed he eyes. "I'm going 2 talk 2 Doctorwho. Evilisactuallynice strat plnning our next batel. We half 2 attak Meanclan be4 dey attack us."

**_They already ATTACKED you, you bees for brain idiot!_**

**Didn't Doctorwho get the fuck out of there?**

"Yes me luv" the depputy meowed.

_**No, my hate.**_

Empressstar padded 2 Doctorwho's den. "Doctorwho I'm prengant!"

**There is no Doctorwho in there, he left, _remember?_**

_**Who's the medicine cat now? No one?**_

Den she rememembered she had banished him 4 having kites and braking teh Warrior Cod.

**_If only he hadn't fathered kits, than Empressstar wouldn't have been born and we'd all be happy. This is all his fault._**

_My dad tinks he can just brake the warior code and get away wit it? Not under me control! _

**Good thing he's not under your control**

_I gess I'll just half the kits on my won den._

**And hopefully die of bloodloss.**

Seh went 2 the forst and had the kites.

_**The forest isn't her den...wait...just never mind.**_

Their were 2 of them.

**Two kits?**

_**What StarClan awful name will she bestow upon them?**_

One wus orange. She namd him Firekit. One wus a drak brown taby. She named him Tigerkit.

**_Firekit and Tigerkit? Those are pretty decent names and match their appearance._**

**Tigerkit and Firekit. Please don't be the reincarnation of Tigerstar and Firestar.**

But den…Niceisactuallyevil!

_**But then Niceisactuallyevil killed Empressstar and saved us all.**_

"I new u were going 2 have mor kites" she groled at Empresspaw.

_**How would she know that?**_

**No idea.**

The pinck he-cat was confused. "How did u now?"

**We're wondering the same thing Pink Wonder.**

"cause Im still a spy! And now I'm goin 2 take dese kits and rise them alongside mine in meanCla" then Niceisactuallyevil grabed teh kits and ran of.

**_They are better off in MeanClan._**

"MOOOOOOOO!"

**Empressstar! You are not a cow! No mooing for you!**

_(A/N: Did somebody turn into a cow? Does Empressstar regret sending her parents away? Are Firekit and Tigerkit going to be good and moral or evil? So many questions..._

_Falmer waay!)_


	18. Chapter 18

**I know this chapter is out of order but, who cares? So feel free to go back and read this chapter. Onto the review!**

* * *

_(A/N: So a few days after finishing the story- or rather, thinking I had finished the story- I realized I had forgotten to post this chapter. Oops._

**No big deal, happens to everyone now and again.**

_ The next chapter begins with talking about how a certain character is dead, but you never got to read the actual death. _

**_I was so confused when I read about the death._**

_*Tansy laughs nervously* Sometimes I'm a bit scatter brained.)_

**It's okay Tansy.**

_**We forgive you.**_

Captr 166

Figting 4 the Kites

_**Why do these people love kites more than kits?**_

"Perfectclan we half 2 attack now!111" Empressstar cryed as she went in2 teh camp.

**Perfectclan, we have to regain sanity now!**

_**Or kill Empressstar.**_

"I had me kits and Niceisactuallyevil STOLE THEM!11!"

_**Can't say I blame Niceisactuallyevil. You're a horrible mother.**_

"Oh no!" Evilisactuallynice cried. "My sitter stoled my kits! WE HALF 2 GET DEM BACK111111!"

**No, we don't.**

_**Let the kits be happy in MeanClan.**_

The leadre noded. "Meanclan has gon 2o far dis time. We have 2 destroy them ounce and 4 all."

_**What, so kidnapping the other kit who's name I forgot wasn't too far, but kidnapping Firekit and Tigerkit is?**_

The depudy luked at the perfectClan cats. "Firstorm, Wildfame, Ashfone, Sunmuffin, Blueberry, AND Hopevegetable- lets GO!"

**The names are so weird!**

_**I know...I just...their horrible.**_

The patrol of kats ran and run and ran until dey got 2 Meanclan's camp.

Whitkit stromed into teh camp fist. "u stole my brothers1!" she cried as she lunched herself at Hopstar.

_**Who in their right mind thought it would be smart to bring a **_**kit _into a battle?! Oh StarCan these people are idiots!_**

"Oh no!" the Meanclan leader cryed. "How'd u get hear so fast? We were completely unprepareed!1111!"

** It's a mary sue, they're fast as lightning**

Empressglitter glared at him. "ur warrior stole tree of me sons. kNow we will destroy u!"

**A little extreme? Thunderclan didn't destroy Shadowclan when they stole two kits.**

Dumbissmart, Niceisactuallyevil, and Tansyheart stud in front of teh nursery. "u will never take these kit alife!" Dumbissmart ANNOUNCED.

_**You go, Dumbissmart! Defend the kits!**_

"Dey r mine and I want them bak!1" Empresskit growled. "They need 2 comee home and ruule perfectClan wit MEEEEE!"

**They can't rule Perfectclan, they are not clan leaders they are just kits. This is a clan, not a monarchy.**

"They will half a better live here!" her brodder argued. "They can half a nomral life wit Tansyheart and Niceisactuallyevil and me."

_**Normalcy is good.**_

"THEY R MY KITES AND U WILL die!" Empressstar yowled and leeped at her brother. She scratched his throte and he dieded.

**Wait, what?! Dumbissmart is dead?! **

_**What?! I'm so confused!**_

Den a yowl cam from teh center of camp. Whitekite had killed Hopestar!

_**How can a KIT kill a LEADER?! **_

**This is wrong, on so many levels.**

Empressstar then leapd at Niceisactuallyevil and hit her bellly. The white evil he-cat died.

**A hit to the belly kills a cat? Wow, she didn't even use her claws, she must be pretty strong.**

Empresspaw had won! Perfectclan had defeeted meanClan!

_**NOPE! I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS LOAD OF FOXDUNG! MEANCLAN SHALL WIN!**_

"Cats from both Clans" the pink she-cat said. "We are now one Clan, and I am the leader. We are now EMPIRECLAN!"

**Horrible clan name named after an equally horrible shecat. Sounds legit.**

_**Sound's stupid. I hate Perfectclan, I hate Empireclan. Meanclan for the win.**_


	19. Chapter 19

"So, how is she?" Spades asked, leaning towards Cometblaze with a sly smile on her face.

The red tom leaned away from her, confused and trying to keep his personal space bubble up, "How is who?" he asked.

"Blueflame," she said grinning, "we didn't see her in chapter twenty-two, only a mention of her."

He glared at her, "What's it matter to you?" he asked her, "And for your information, she's doing great Thanks for asking, she's not fond of moving into the den and giving up warrior duties for a while, but she's got company being with Songheart."

"I still can't believe you two managed to get that far," Spades said, holding back her laughter.

That earned a glare from Cometblaze, "Speaking of 'going far', let's get onto the chapter and see how Empressstar went too far in fighting."

* * *

_(A/N: We're almost at the end of this. Only one more chapter and an epilogue. We're almost done with this horrible tale.)_

**_Are we doing the epilogue?_**

**I don't think so, I mean the epilogue isn't really trollish so, I don't know.**

Chapter 18***

"NOOOO!" Dumbissmart cryed staring at Niceisactuallyevil's body. "u killded my mat! How dar u kill her!"

**Wait, Niceisactuallyevil is dead? Did we miss something last chapter? Did we miss a chapter or something?**

_**I don't think we did.**_

Empresstar smilled. "She wus evil. She stoled my kites,so I stealed her live.

**I think this deserves a true 'What the Fuck, hero?' moment. **

_**You don't need to kill to win a fight...it said so in the Warrior Code.**_

Ive won brother. It's ofer."

_**It's never over!**_

Dumbissmart glared at teh she-kat. "I've still got tree of ur kits and u'll never get dem bak. Tansyhart and I will fite 2 keep them as far way form u as possible."

**Get a lawyer, I happen to know one who specializes in custody battles with Mary Sues, his name is M.C. The Mary Sue never wins when he's the other sides lawyer. **

_**...isn't that because he threatens the judge with burning his house down, burning this car down and burning his dog down?**_

**That's why he never loses a case. Judges are to scared of what he'll do if he loses.**

"I am teh leeder of Empireclan!" Empresskit snrarled. "I demand u give me me kits!"

_**Well, she does love her kits, in a way. She wants them back.**_

"NEVER!" teh boring brown mot growled.

**He's not boring.**

The pick he-cat then turned 2 face her warrriors. "Wildflam and Firestom and Sunmuffin and Ashfone and Blueberry and Tacobreath- get me kites!"

_**Aren't your kits more important than kites?**_

**Kits will never be more important than kites.**

The warriors den stromed inw the nersery where they encontered a furoscious monster.

**What kind of monster?**

A ginger qeen foght lick a lion and chassed the former perfectClan warriors out off her den.

**_A queen protecting kits is the scariest thing a warrior will ever face._**

Tinsyheart leeped at Blubarry and landed on the he-cats bak digging her claws in2 Blueberrys shoulders.

**Go Tansyheart! WOO!**

Teh queen's own kits Star nd Mallow, fught alongside they're muther as well.

_**I'm questioning how her own kits know how to fight. **_

**Brokenstar must be in MeanClan.**

They lunched demselfes at Firstorm and fought wit as much strenth as there mother. The Redkit and Firekit and Tuggerkit cam out of the nursery.

"Me kits" Empressstar cryed. "Come 2 Mummmy!"

_**Don't go to mommy!**_

**It's the worst choice you'll ever make.**

"No" Redkit hissed. "We want 2 stay with Tonsyhert nut u."

_**Her kits are smart. Respect.**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**Dramatic no GO! **

_**It must be heartbreaking, your own kits don't want to be with you.**_

_(A/N: Isn't this awful? Hehe. Flame away!)_

**_This story sucks. There, is that a flame? You got your flame._**

**I still like it, next chapter is last chapter.**


	20. Chapter 20

Spades ran onto the stage, carrying Cometblaze in her arms, "It's the last chapter!" she yelled, throwing the red cat onto M.C's chair, "It's the last chapter everyone, the last 'effing chapter! We're finally done!"

She fell to her knees, "I don't know whether I should be happy or sad."

"I'm neither," Cometblaze said, yawning and arching his back as he stretched, "I'm just taking this all in stride, I guess," he shrugged then raised an eyebrow at Spades who was laughing and crying as she rolled on the floor. "...that twoleg is just insane."

Sighing, he turned to the audience, "We chose not to do the Epilogue chapter, so if you want to read it, go check out the story. After this chapter, Spades and M.C will take a short break from new commentaries to finish up _Burning My Immortal to the Ground _and M.C's solo review _Face The Strange Must Burn_..." he trailed off and looked at the blonde, "Are majority of your reviews wielding fire related titles?"

"YES!"

Cometblaze again sighed, "All right, anyways, since she's still having an emotional breakdown like stage, I'll finish up the announcement," he decided, shrugging, "They've got two stories they have planned to review, a Gravity Falls story, and a Percy Jackson story. One of which is fifty chapters long, so they may go insane before they finish it."

"A VIRGIN GODDESS DOES NOT HAVE KIDS!" Spades screeched in rage, still rolling on the floor, "YOU DO NOT FUCK UP THE GREEK MYTHS! THAT IS CROSSING THE LINE!"

The red tom nodded, "Yeah, anyways...yeah," he said, not knowing what to say about that. He didn't know anything about Greek myths, "Anyways, if you guys have stories you want to suggest they review too, just send them a PM or tell them in a comment to one of their stories. That's the end of this announcement so..."

He trailed off as he leapt off his chair and walked to Spades, raising a paw, unsheathing his claws, Cometblaze waited until her face was open before he brought his paw down. Spades let out a cry of alarm and pain as he scratched her on the face, sitting up quickly and grasping at her face.

"What was that for?" She cried.

"We need you in the chair so we can do the review," Cometblaze said, leading her back to the chair.

Spades sat down and nodded, "Right, last chapter. Let's start!"

* * *

_(A/N: Here we are at the exciting climax of the story. What will happen? Will Empressstar win the fight and save EmpireClan?)_

**_I hope she doesn't win. That would be awful._**

Chapter 19

Redkite and Firkit nd Tiggerkit joined teh fite helpping Tinsyheart fite 2 keep dem.

**Nice kits, good kits.**

_**Very good kits. Fight Empressstar! KILL HER!**_

Empressstar culd do nuthing mor than stand nd wotch in shok as her kits fite aginst her armi. "Ho cud u do dis 2 me? she whailed.

_**They did it because you're a StarClan awful mother and leader and cat.**_

Dumbissmart laughed. "Because they think you're insane and should not be a leader or a mother.

**Exactly.**

_**Lunamoon-...Empressstar is the craziest cat ever.**_

**No, you want the craziest cat ever? You should read Starkits prophecy.**

_**...I'd rather not.**_

Tansyheart is sane and she loves those kits. She's a much better mother and leader than you'll ever be!"

_**Tansyheart's a leader? When did this happen?**_

"u're EVIL!11!1!11" Empresspaw reelized. "U TUNRED MYE KITES AGANST ME!1111111"

**She cares more about kites than her own kits.**

_**It's sad, isn't it?**_

"I did, but I'm not evil. You are a tyrant and a Mary-sue.

_**She's a tyrant all right...what's a Mary-Sue again?**_

You have too many mates, one of which is our grandfather,

_**So...**_

**Wrong...**

and one of the others is dead!" her brother meowed.

**She does not deserve Broken-baby!**

"You don't even look like a normal cat. Cats can't have pink fur with golden stars or rainbow eyes.

_**Thank StarClan he added her horrendous appearance! I'm having nightmares of pink cats with rainbow eyes because of this story!**_

You don't deserve to be leader, and you especially do not get to unite the two Clans and name the new Clan after yourself!"

_**Clans must never be turned into one clan! They can be united temporarily, like to face a bigger enemy, but they must always return to being separate clans in the end!**_

Empressstar cud not tak it animor. She leeped at he brodder ready to kill him ounce and 4 all. But Tansyheart and Star and Mallow and Redkit and Firekit and Tigerkit and Doctorwho all rushed to defend Dumbissmart.

**They all love him, not you.**

Efen Majesticexcellency wo had ounce nelgected her sun cam in his defense know.

_**Finally his mum is there for him.**_

Den in a suprising turn in events Ashfone and Blueberry and Firestrom and Wodflame and Sunmuffin and Tacobreathe all joined in the fite aainst Empressstar as weel.

**_That's...surprising...what's a phone? No one's told me yet._**

It was Empressglitter and Whitkite aganst everione else. Dey culd nut fight them all. Dumbissmart finallly pined his sitter to the grund glaring down at her. "You see, sister, this is a trollfic,

**Oh no! He's breaking the fourth wall!**

_**...but he hasn't broken any walls, how can a cat break a wall?**_

which means you are too perfect, have too many mates, and everyone is supposed to love you. Unfortunately, the author has decided to twist the ending and not make you a hero.

_**Is this still breaking a fourth wall?**_

**Yes, yes it is! Get your helmets, it's a wrecking ball against the wall!**

_I _am the real hero. You are going to die, and the Clans will be better off without you!"

_**That we can all agree on.**_

**Everyone will be happier once she's gone.**

"u cant do DIS 2 ME!1111!" Empressssstar cryed.

_**He just did, Empressstar.**_

Dumbissmart bent don and bit her throte a fatal blow. "I just did," he murmured as she died. "EmpireClan is no more."

**Woot! Party time!**

_**Let's celebrate.**_

**Let's invite Naverok.**

_**Let's not.**_

_(A/N: I'll put the epilogue up in a moment.)_

**_And we won't do the epilogue._**

**Thank's for reading this, everyone. I hope you all had as much fun as we did.**


End file.
